The Sickness.
When
walking through tall weeds on an old farm, one might come in contact
with a mysterious looking 4x4.
"Dude, look at that. It's not
a jeep, it's not a bronco. What is it?" BLAM!!! That's when the
incubation period
starts. It's followed by sleepless nights,
difficulty breathing, difficulty swallowing, lack of concentration at
work. You start to hallucinate. Every automobile you see is a
Scout. Pretty soon you are scouring the papers
and Ebay looking
for "your rig" even though you don't know the first thing
about trucks and how to work on
them. When you eventually find
"the one" the future PO tells you that it needs this, this,
this, and this, but
you're not really listening.
You
don't see the rust, guapo, ripped upholstery, and holes in the
floorboard. You see yourself rambling over
sand dunes, careening
over snowbanks in your lifted, modded, and tricked
dreadnought-of-a-binder while the
hot blonde next to you is
squealing with delight. Then you spin out and come to a stop in a
lush green field.
As you turn to your buxom babe, you peek over
your Ray-Bans and retrieve two chilled spritzers from the
console
cooler, and the both of you erupt into maniacal laughter.
Next
comes an acute pain in your glutes area, most likely caused by the
burning from your wallet. This is
generally accompanied stiffened
joints, muscle soreness, and minor dehydration from laying under and
leaning over your new purchase all night, trying to make sense of
the machinations that take place there.
The next symptom is
severe redness of the face, due to repeated smacking by your
significant other in
trying to arrest your attention back towards
her. This symptom is prone to linger on, especially after hearing
comments like, "There's all these weird charges on our card,
honey. Who is 'Scoutparts.com and Binderbooks?'"
Although
modern medicine has been successful in treating illnesses of many
kinds, Doctors are reticent to speak
about adult-onset
Binderfixemia, a cruel disease which affects the brain, central
nervous sytem, and pretty much
everything else. As of today,
there is no cure. But with regular treatments (often depleting the
majority of the
patient's discretionary income), a semi-normal
life can be enjoyed.
Posted by Joel, on The Binder Bulletin.
Replicated here with his permission.